addiction....

Addiction- some say it's a disease. Some say it's a choice. It's maybe both, or maybe neither. 

Most people don't start off their Addiction journey with the idea of "oh I can't wait to end up on skid row!".

This is something that creeps and crawls in slowly. Then it takes you over and that's just part of the battle that ensues. 

Unfortunately, I've known start least 5 people from my 20s that overdosed on pills and fentanyl.

The sadness doesn't leave but I can at least feel a little better some days knowing that they aren't suffering any longer. 

The concept of having pain and the need for medicating it is intriguing, and less pathologizing of those who get addicted to substances, whatever poison you pick. 

It's a slippery rope and even the best of people can get caught in a vicious cycle of Addiction. 

It's better to talk about why one needs to medicate. Where is the pain located? Is it only physical or is it emotional pain too? 

I hope others can learn to stop judging a person for falling into the trap of just wanting to feel better. 

Why do the females of this world, prefer the bad boy - ? The psychology and archetypes to consider.

I had always pondered the question why one would be attracted to a "bad boy". I had asked AI(ChatGPT) for some help with insight into this phenomenon. Interesting the results. I think I had always known there was the potential for wanting to save the guy from himself, or be the one to tame the wild lion. What I did not give much consideration is that the dopamine one receives is highly intoxicating from what others are stating and even in my own experience.

This is good information to try to understand, to reveal hidden layers and depths within your own psyche as to what is this type of person fulfilling within yourself.

Attraction to “bad boys” is a mix of psychology, biology, and cultural influence. Here’s a breakdown of the top reasons why some women find them appealing:

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1. Confidence & Dominance

Bad boys often exude high self-assurance and assertiveness—traits perceived as masculine and leader-like. These signals suggest strength and genetic fitness, making them attractive both consciously and on an evolutionary level.

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2. Thrill, Novelty & Emotional Intensity

These relationships tend to be unpredictable and exciting. The erratic affection of a “bad boy” creates a dopamine-fueled emotional rollercoaster—akin to intermittent rewards in gambling—which can be intoxicating.

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3. Challenge: The “Save Him” Fantasy

The allure of being “the one” who reforms or heals a troubled man taps into nurturing instincts and provides a sense of control and accomplishment.

4. Evolutionary & Hormonal Factors

Studies suggest that during ovulation, women may be hormonally predisposed to find dominant, unconventional, or “sexy cad” types more appealing, even subconsciously believing they’d be better mates—though these beliefs often don’t align with reality.

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5. Rebellion & Identity Expression

For those feeling constrained by societal norms or personal expectations, dating a bad boy can feel like an act of defiance and self-discovery—a way to tap into a freer, more spontaneous version of oneself.

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6. Media Reinforcement

Movies, songs, TikToks glorify the brooding bad boy who eventually “softens” or changes for love, reinforcing the romantic narrative that we can often fall for .

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7. Personality Traits Influence

People with a playful, adventurous love style or strong sensation-seeking tendencies are more likely to gravitate toward intense, unpredictable partners—even fictional ones.

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💡 When It Matters—and When It Doesn’t

• Short-term vs long-term: Many women report that while bad boys spark intense chemistry, long-term satisfaction tends to come from partners who offer stability, kindness, and emotional availability.

• Self-awareness helps: Understanding these dynamics—especially hormonal or thrill-seeking triggers—can empower someone to make intentional choices aligned with their relationship goals .

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💬 Final Thoughts

Being drawn to a confident, mysterious, or rebellious person isn’t inherently bad—it’s human. The key is recognizing whether it’s fun and fleeting or if it leads toward unhealthy patterns. If your heart truly seeks depth, growth, emotional connection, and mutual respect, a partner who brings those qualities often leads to more sustainable fulfillment.

My heart breaks 💔 😢 for those who have body dysmorphia, anorexia, bulimia.... you matter.

I will be referencing this article here.

A Turkish influencer, beautiful soul ✨️ 💖 succumbed to her eating disorder, where she only weighed 3.5 stone which is equivalent to 49 lbs in the metric system. 

My heart breaks 💔 to see someone who is so beautiful, hate herself so much that she aimed for perfection due to the stigma of Society and standards that have many men and women alike, hurting themselves daily, through vigorous exercise, restrictive eating, binge and purging behaviors. 

I was trained years ago in eating disorders and In treating them, but it's dangerous to watch these young people die slowly, putting their bodies through significant turmoil all to meet some standard of beautiful that should never be. 

Some signs to look for:

🖤Preoccupation with checking calorie or other ingredient content in food

🖤Eating a restricted amount or range of foods

🖤Binge eating

🖤More controlling behaviours such as rules about eating, insisting on making their own meals or only using certain utensils and cutlery

🖤Negative self-image about their weight and/or appearance

Secretiveness or avoiding eating with others

🖤Feeling guilty after eating

🖤Repeatedly weighing themselves

🖤Vomiting after eating, or going to the toilet immediately after eating

🖤Compulsive or excessive exercising

🖤Abnormally low or high weight or changes in weight or body shape

🖤Long-term weight stagnation or failure to grow

🖤Complaining of poor concentration, dizziness, tiredness or feeling cold

🖤Getting stressed at mealtimes

🖤Low mood, anxiety or irritability

🖤Social withdrawal

💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣

This is a ticking time 💣 for those who have been using these behaviors for significantly long and extensive periods of time. 

If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the National Eating Disorders Association at 800-931-2237, or chat with volunteers online.

Don't feel ashamed to reach out for help. 

You matter.

inside the mind of a therapist.. introduction.

Well today sounded like a great day to start a blog. 

I have been thinking about it for some time now and although I've tried patreon, and other apps similarly related... I figured I'd give blogger a chance. Trying to figure out all of the features, etc that are offered.

So.. this is a mini introduction intro the mind of a therapist... and be prepared, it isn't all love, light, sunshine, bunnies, and rainbows.

In fact, my mind frequents dark and morbid, even traumatic material on the regular. 

Most people will not understand I highly doubt, that a therapist wouldn't be like me, because therapists have their crap together right?

That is the total opposite of any therapist I've ever known or encountered. 

So- with that, welcome 🙏 🤗 to Melissa's mind, as a therapist as well as a human being... just trying to navigate this world 🌎, just like anyone else.

News update: I'm going to be 47 in August, and I'm hoping to start my PhD or psyd program in either applied clinical psychology with emphasis on neuro psychology, from either Chicago school, fielding University, or Pacifica, although it is a possibility I will be needing to move from my southern California location in the desert area, to hopefully what might end up being northern California. If that is the case I'll be looking at Palo alto university to attend for my doctorate degree. 

I am also a mother to 2 children,  boys age 14, and soon to be 18. I am married for 11 years together for 14 and I wouldn't change my life for anything. With my partner, we have his 2 children as well, his oldest is 23 and next oldest is 18.

My 2 boys are also on the spectrum with adhd, as I was also recently diagnosed with both adhd and autism which has been hugely helpful in validating my life experiences growing up. 

I was always very intelligent, had an eagerness to please and get straight As which didn't come so hard to me even with the adhd.

I have always managed to get really good grades in school over the course of the last 40+ years.

I am a life long learner. I am pursuing full certification in EMDR[eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy] as currently I'm only basic trained and have studied R-TEP, couples emdr,  dbt and emdr, internal family systems and emdr, I've taken it a challenge to help anyone affected by trauma with the use of these impressive varying modalities. 

That's just a very top of the iceberg really but.... if you decide to stick around, I'm sure you'll get to know me much better over the course of time. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and I look forward to this new journey. 

Thoughts of the day, riots in La

Today, has just been, simply... ridiculous. 

I have been watching on and off the riots in Los Angeles and am afraid for the future of our world, although sometimes, violence is warranted, in order to protect our freedom, and the freedom of others. 

Many people have died from fighting for the freedom of others, those in service of their country...its quite commendable. 

The strength and bravery of those who chose to fight, giving up their own lives... for the lives of others...

So enjoy your freedom, while you go to the gym, go out for pizza,  go to the parks with your children and not have to worry about deportation because it's "not my problem"... right?

That is such a problem for me, not standing up for others is why so many children are abused and out through the foster care system, because there's a rare few who will actually speak out against the violence perpetrated against children every where. 

It's sickening to think that people with a lot of money almost feel they are exempt from having to do the right thing because they can hide behind their money. 

Well right is right and wrong is wrong and if people continue to sit around, watching the news and doing nothing, then nothing is going to change!!!

Stand for what's right, even if you're standing alone. 

You can't pray mental illness away....

A few weeks back... I saw a lady in one of my local Facebook groups, who was reaching out for mental health help, but everyone jumping on this bandwagon of "Pray to God for he can help you, the ONLY one that can help". I was furious, not because I do not believe in God... but rather I believe that mental illness is real, and you cannot medicate it away, or pray it away, or read enough Bible to make one better. It is absolutely FLABBERGHASTING that someone would EVER shame a person for their mental health! This is how so many people can tragically end up taking their own lives because of toxic shame entrenched within the Religious sector.

SOME RESEARCH FOR THOSE INTERESTED.

If someone needs medical care but is advised to go to church instead, it's crucial to prioritize their well-being and seek professional medical attention. While faith and prayer can offer comfort and support, they cannot replace the expertise of trained healthcare professionals. It's essential to address the individual's specific medical condition with appropriate treatment. 

Here's why seeking medical care is crucial:

Medical expertise:

Doctors and nurses have the knowledge and tools to diagnose and treat medical conditions accurately. 

Safety:

Ignoring medical advice can lead to serious health complications or even death. 

Respect for the individual:

Ignoring medical advice can be disrespectful to the person's right to make informed decisions about their own health. 

Potential for harm:

Interfering with medical care can cause harm, even if it's not the intention. 

Avoiding negative outcomes:

Seeking medical care is essential for ensuring a positive outcome for the person's health. 

In summary, it's vital to prioritize the individual's health by seeking professional medical attention when needed, even if it conflicts with religious beliefs or advice.

Whether a religious person can be held liable for telling a suicidal individual to go to church instead of seeking medical care is a complex issue with varying legal interpretations. 

Here's a breakdown of the potential legal considerations:

1. Negligence and Duty of Care:

A key legal concept is negligence, which generally requires proving a duty of care existed, that this duty was breached, and that the breach directly caused harm.

Duty of Care: This refers to a legal obligation to act with reasonable care towards others to avoid causing harm.

Breach of Duty: This means failing to meet the expected standard of care. 

2. Liability of Religious Counselors:

Historically, courts have been reluctant to impose a legal duty on non-therapist clergy or religious counselors to refer suicidal individuals for professional help, according to the Los Angeles Times.

In a significant California case, the court held that church counselors, or others who are not licensed psychotherapists, have no legal duty to refer a person to psychiatrists or other mental health professionals, even if they believe that person may be suicidal. 

3. When Liability Might Arise:

However, if the religious person holds themselves out as a professional counselor or creates a relationship of dependence, a duty of care might be established, according to Church Law & Tax.

If a counselor, whether religious or secular, fails to provide a reasonable standard of care, and this failure directly leads to harm, they could potentially be held liable.

For example, if the counselor recognizes a clear and imminent suicide risk but only advises church attendance and does not refer to professional help or take other safety measures, they might be deemed negligent. 

4. Criminal Liability:

In some cases, encouraging or assisting suicide can be a criminal offense.

For example, in California, it's a felony to deliberately aid, advise, or encourage another person to commit suicide. 

Important Considerations:

Context matters: Each case is unique, and courts would consider the specific circumstances, including the nature of the relationship, the clarity of the suicide threat, and the actions (or inactions) taken by the religious individual.

Good Samaritan Laws: Some jurisdictions have Good Samaritan laws that might offer protection to those acting in good faith to assist someone in distress.

Emphasis on seeking professional help: Regardless of religious beliefs, encouraging a suicidal individual to seek professional mental health care is crucial for their safety and well-being. 

Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes and should not be considered legal advice. It is crucial to consult with a legal professional for specific legal guidance related to suicide and liability. 

Losing friends is hard...

I've had a few friends over the last 2 to 3 decades that I really tried to make the friendship work. 

Well, today I received a text at 2 in the morning, where my supposed bff told me that I should feel stupid, in response to me telling her that I did feel stupid over almost getting scammed the previous weekend. 

She said I should feel stupid and that I don't even deserve to be Licensed as a therapist. 

I was baffled at why she would say those things. 

I've always been there for her, helping give her a place over a decade ago because she was trying to leave her abusive husband until she went back and I didn't hear from her for another 5 or so years. 

I knew if she was ever ready to leave for good, I would be there. 

Well after taking verbal abuse from her over the last several months I had really had it when she said that I shouldn't have my license. 

I said to her after 3 years post bachelor's degree and 6 years / 3000 hours, a law and ethics exam and final lmft exam, I definitely earned it. 

And really, this showed me how much she was actually pretty jealous of me, which she could have anything she wanted if she would just work on her trauma

Which she refused. 

She told me awhile back the psychiatrist she was seeing diagnosed her with BPD[Borderline personality disorder].

It made sense as she was always lashing out at everyone, she would refuse to listen to warnings I would send her regarding guys she would date for a second, have intimate relationship with them and then once they left her, she would become suicidal. I would be there to try to help her pick up the pieces. 

I'm sure she has a lot of learning left to do in this life. I don't want her to suffer but I'm not going to be a verbal beating bag as well. 

I wish her well and pray she finds peace. 

It just doesn't feel great.

I've had this pattern of really gnarly friendships which I give way too much, I end up being used, and it goes really badly very quickly. 

I have since then been a lot more careful but at the same time, I've always given the benefit of the doubt, but I think the behaviors others show you says more than what you want to believe about them. 

Touche