My heart breaks 💔 😢 for those who have body dysmorphia, anorexia, bulimia.... you matter.

I will be referencing this article here.

A Turkish influencer, beautiful soul ✨️ 💖 succumbed to her eating disorder, where she only weighed 3.5 stone which is equivalent to 49 lbs in the metric system. 

My heart breaks 💔 to see someone who is so beautiful, hate herself so much that she aimed for perfection due to the stigma of Society and standards that have many men and women alike, hurting themselves daily, through vigorous exercise, restrictive eating, binge and purging behaviors. 

I was trained years ago in eating disorders and In treating them, but it's dangerous to watch these young people die slowly, putting their bodies through significant turmoil all to meet some standard of beautiful that should never be. 

Some signs to look for:

🖤Preoccupation with checking calorie or other ingredient content in food

🖤Eating a restricted amount or range of foods

🖤Binge eating

🖤More controlling behaviours such as rules about eating, insisting on making their own meals or only using certain utensils and cutlery

🖤Negative self-image about their weight and/or appearance

Secretiveness or avoiding eating with others

🖤Feeling guilty after eating

🖤Repeatedly weighing themselves

🖤Vomiting after eating, or going to the toilet immediately after eating

🖤Compulsive or excessive exercising

🖤Abnormally low or high weight or changes in weight or body shape

🖤Long-term weight stagnation or failure to grow

🖤Complaining of poor concentration, dizziness, tiredness or feeling cold

🖤Getting stressed at mealtimes

🖤Low mood, anxiety or irritability

🖤Social withdrawal

💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣

This is a ticking time 💣 for those who have been using these behaviors for significantly long and extensive periods of time. 

If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the National Eating Disorders Association at 800-931-2237, or chat with volunteers online.

Don't feel ashamed to reach out for help. 

You matter.

inside the mind of a therapist.. introduction.

Well today sounded like a great day to start a blog. 

I have been thinking about it for some time now and although I've tried patreon, and other apps similarly related... I figured I'd give blogger a chance. Trying to figure out all of the features, etc that are offered.

So.. this is a mini introduction intro the mind of a therapist... and be prepared, it isn't all love, light, sunshine, bunnies, and rainbows.

In fact, my mind frequents dark and morbid, even traumatic material on the regular. 

Most people will not understand I highly doubt, that a therapist wouldn't be like me, because therapists have their crap together right?

That is the total opposite of any therapist I've ever known or encountered. 

So- with that, welcome 🙏 🤗 to Melissa's mind, as a therapist as well as a human being... just trying to navigate this world 🌎, just like anyone else.

News update: I'm going to be 47 in August, and I'm hoping to start my PhD or psyd program in either applied clinical psychology with emphasis on neuro psychology, from either Chicago school, fielding University, or Pacifica, although it is a possibility I will be needing to move from my southern California location in the desert area, to hopefully what might end up being northern California. If that is the case I'll be looking at Palo alto university to attend for my doctorate degree. 

I am also a mother to 2 children,  boys age 14, and soon to be 18. I am married for 11 years together for 14 and I wouldn't change my life for anything. With my partner, we have his 2 children as well, his oldest is 23 and next oldest is 18.

My 2 boys are also on the spectrum with adhd, as I was also recently diagnosed with both adhd and autism which has been hugely helpful in validating my life experiences growing up. 

I was always very intelligent, had an eagerness to please and get straight As which didn't come so hard to me even with the adhd.

I have always managed to get really good grades in school over the course of the last 40+ years.

I am a life long learner. I am pursuing full certification in EMDR[eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy] as currently I'm only basic trained and have studied R-TEP, couples emdr,  dbt and emdr, internal family systems and emdr, I've taken it a challenge to help anyone affected by trauma with the use of these impressive varying modalities. 

That's just a very top of the iceberg really but.... if you decide to stick around, I'm sure you'll get to know me much better over the course of time. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and I look forward to this new journey. 

Thoughts of the day, riots in La

Today, has just been, simply... ridiculous. 

I have been watching on and off the riots in Los Angeles and am afraid for the future of our world, although sometimes, violence is warranted, in order to protect our freedom, and the freedom of others. 

Many people have died from fighting for the freedom of others, those in service of their country...its quite commendable. 

The strength and bravery of those who chose to fight, giving up their own lives... for the lives of others...

So enjoy your freedom, while you go to the gym, go out for pizza,  go to the parks with your children and not have to worry about deportation because it's "not my problem"... right?

That is such a problem for me, not standing up for others is why so many children are abused and out through the foster care system, because there's a rare few who will actually speak out against the violence perpetrated against children every where. 

It's sickening to think that people with a lot of money almost feel they are exempt from having to do the right thing because they can hide behind their money. 

Well right is right and wrong is wrong and if people continue to sit around, watching the news and doing nothing, then nothing is going to change!!!

Stand for what's right, even if you're standing alone. 

You can't pray mental illness away....

A few weeks back... I saw a lady in one of my local Facebook groups, who was reaching out for mental health help, but everyone jumping on this bandwagon of "Pray to God for he can help you, the ONLY one that can help". I was furious, not because I do not believe in God... but rather I believe that mental illness is real, and you cannot medicate it away, or pray it away, or read enough Bible to make one better. It is absolutely FLABBERGHASTING that someone would EVER shame a person for their mental health! This is how so many people can tragically end up taking their own lives because of toxic shame entrenched within the Religious sector.

SOME RESEARCH FOR THOSE INTERESTED.

If someone needs medical care but is advised to go to church instead, it's crucial to prioritize their well-being and seek professional medical attention. While faith and prayer can offer comfort and support, they cannot replace the expertise of trained healthcare professionals. It's essential to address the individual's specific medical condition with appropriate treatment. 

Here's why seeking medical care is crucial:

Medical expertise:

Doctors and nurses have the knowledge and tools to diagnose and treat medical conditions accurately. 

Safety:

Ignoring medical advice can lead to serious health complications or even death. 

Respect for the individual:

Ignoring medical advice can be disrespectful to the person's right to make informed decisions about their own health. 

Potential for harm:

Interfering with medical care can cause harm, even if it's not the intention. 

Avoiding negative outcomes:

Seeking medical care is essential for ensuring a positive outcome for the person's health. 

In summary, it's vital to prioritize the individual's health by seeking professional medical attention when needed, even if it conflicts with religious beliefs or advice.

Whether a religious person can be held liable for telling a suicidal individual to go to church instead of seeking medical care is a complex issue with varying legal interpretations. 

Here's a breakdown of the potential legal considerations:

1. Negligence and Duty of Care:

A key legal concept is negligence, which generally requires proving a duty of care existed, that this duty was breached, and that the breach directly caused harm.

Duty of Care: This refers to a legal obligation to act with reasonable care towards others to avoid causing harm.

Breach of Duty: This means failing to meet the expected standard of care. 

2. Liability of Religious Counselors:

Historically, courts have been reluctant to impose a legal duty on non-therapist clergy or religious counselors to refer suicidal individuals for professional help, according to the Los Angeles Times.

In a significant California case, the court held that church counselors, or others who are not licensed psychotherapists, have no legal duty to refer a person to psychiatrists or other mental health professionals, even if they believe that person may be suicidal. 

3. When Liability Might Arise:

However, if the religious person holds themselves out as a professional counselor or creates a relationship of dependence, a duty of care might be established, according to Church Law & Tax.

If a counselor, whether religious or secular, fails to provide a reasonable standard of care, and this failure directly leads to harm, they could potentially be held liable.

For example, if the counselor recognizes a clear and imminent suicide risk but only advises church attendance and does not refer to professional help or take other safety measures, they might be deemed negligent. 

4. Criminal Liability:

In some cases, encouraging or assisting suicide can be a criminal offense.

For example, in California, it's a felony to deliberately aid, advise, or encourage another person to commit suicide. 

Important Considerations:

Context matters: Each case is unique, and courts would consider the specific circumstances, including the nature of the relationship, the clarity of the suicide threat, and the actions (or inactions) taken by the religious individual.

Good Samaritan Laws: Some jurisdictions have Good Samaritan laws that might offer protection to those acting in good faith to assist someone in distress.

Emphasis on seeking professional help: Regardless of religious beliefs, encouraging a suicidal individual to seek professional mental health care is crucial for their safety and well-being. 

Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes and should not be considered legal advice. It is crucial to consult with a legal professional for specific legal guidance related to suicide and liability. 

Losing friends is hard...

I've had a few friends over the last 2 to 3 decades that I really tried to make the friendship work. 

Well, today I received a text at 2 in the morning, where my supposed bff told me that I should feel stupid, in response to me telling her that I did feel stupid over almost getting scammed the previous weekend. 

She said I should feel stupid and that I don't even deserve to be Licensed as a therapist. 

I was baffled at why she would say those things. 

I've always been there for her, helping give her a place over a decade ago because she was trying to leave her abusive husband until she went back and I didn't hear from her for another 5 or so years. 

I knew if she was ever ready to leave for good, I would be there. 

Well after taking verbal abuse from her over the last several months I had really had it when she said that I shouldn't have my license. 

I said to her after 3 years post bachelor's degree and 6 years / 3000 hours, a law and ethics exam and final lmft exam, I definitely earned it. 

And really, this showed me how much she was actually pretty jealous of me, which she could have anything she wanted if she would just work on her trauma

Which she refused. 

She told me awhile back the psychiatrist she was seeing diagnosed her with BPD[Borderline personality disorder].

It made sense as she was always lashing out at everyone, she would refuse to listen to warnings I would send her regarding guys she would date for a second, have intimate relationship with them and then once they left her, she would become suicidal. I would be there to try to help her pick up the pieces. 

I'm sure she has a lot of learning left to do in this life. I don't want her to suffer but I'm not going to be a verbal beating bag as well. 

I wish her well and pray she finds peace. 

It just doesn't feel great.

I've had this pattern of really gnarly friendships which I give way too much, I end up being used, and it goes really badly very quickly. 

I have since then been a lot more careful but at the same time, I've always given the benefit of the doubt, but I think the behaviors others show you says more than what you want to believe about them. 

Touche

thoughts....

Can't say that things don't hurt, but some things belong in the past and should stay in the past. 

I've held onto many relationships, friendships that hurt more than they help... for way too long.... why? Because I'm a loyal lioness. 

I'm starting to see... through my dreams that haunt me, urging me to let go and dive deeper.. into the wounded parts of myself that I've yet to confront, or heal from. 

I don't always act appropriate. I'm not perfect. 

I usually "react" pretty strongly to triggers, and can sometimes end up regretting those actions. 

But lately, I don't feel regret at all. 

I feel sad for those who feel they have to unfriend or block me, even family. 

I'm not worried about it because true friendship and love can withstand the test of time. 

I'm not going anywhere... we all have our shadow self. 

But as we move into a new time and age, all of the facade will be ripped apart and truth will be revealed. 

Some will be able to withstand it...others not so much. 

Be. Unapologetically. You.

Just really disgusted with some people In this world 🌎

Somewhere on Facebook, I read...

"You that are silent, you are weak, spineless, pathetic and privileged 🙄 "

I couldn't agree more. 

Think about those who came over to this country, so many years ago, with an intention of creating a free society. A society where one can have freedom to speak how they feel, protect theirs, and to make a better life for them and their family and descendants. 

We all know it didn't go all over so wonderfully, but many over the course of hundreds and hundreds of years, fought and died for theirs and others freedom. 

Now, no one can tolerate an opinion that differs to theirs. How did this world come to we have to agree on everything and if you don't you're wrong or "bad" good believing something different than the masses.

I've always been the black sheep of my family, even though I've always been the one to go out of my way, offering others the "shirt off my back" so others have what they need. 

It's never gotten me ahead, but I'm not trying to get ahead. 

I have had to explain to my own children, loving one another regardless of difference. 

I think this is why many that are neurodivergent understand that everyone is different, not necessarily similar to themselves. 

Which, this can be helpful for the empathy and understanding and

tolerance for others that might differ In beliefs, thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. 

For example- we might have 10 rape victims in the same room but each one would have a different experience even if it's a similar type of event, no one ever can have the "same" experience because experience is subjective to the person that experiences it.

People who go through traumatic situations together will even have possibly very different feelings and perceptions of what occurred because no one is exactly the same, no experience exactly the same nor perceptions exactly the same. 

This is why we are all unique as humans. 

It doesn't matter who you love, whether man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, transgender males with cisgender females, and there are many, many combinations. ❤️love is love ❤️ 

People are so upset 😡 over the idea that 2 people regardless of their sexual preferences or identities can be a real thing, some would even dare call it mental illness. Homosexuality was written out of the DSM III[diagnostic statistical manual] for a reason. 

These things are only the tip of the iceberg and is why so many in alternative lifestyles are so ashamed to speak openly about it. 

Whereas many find community on websites like fet life, many are still very trepidatious even when looking for a mental health provider who they can consider an ally, and a place of safety. 

We should be celebrating our differences, not segregating each other. Why can't we be together in unity, standing up, being the voice for the voiceless?

Credited to: image found on Facebook

credited to: Rufus Opus[image below]

Credited to: image found on Instagram